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The Interview - 25 - The Silver
Years
When I first joined South West Placements, one
of my main tasks was going to be working with
a group of people in the seaside town of Ilfracombe.
I clearly remember asking what their carers were
like. The reply I received; ‘Oh you'll like
J - She wears mini - skirts and white boots and
has a great brummy accent!' Well, I thought, a
real earth mother.
In awe of this, when I set out to meet the children,
J and B, I took one look at the house and hoped
one day I too might have a bedroom there! The
house sits on a hill overlooking some of the nicest
scenes of Ilfracombe.
Why am I telling you all of this? Well J celebrates
25 years as a foster carer and I wanted to share
with you all a bit about this charismatic woman;
so I interviewed her! In my best Michael Parkinson
tone of voice and expression, I asked these questions:
S: Why did you become a foster carer?
J: At 22 years I had to have a hysterectomy.
I already had a son and daughter but I wanted
more children. My Nan said that I would fall into
depression after the operation, but I sort of
fell into fostering and after the first child
I had was a success for me - it became addictive!
Oh and I did not fall into depression.
S: What would you say was the worst experience
in the past 25 years as a carer?
J: Giving up on a family of siblings, but they
were extremely damaged - I tried but after 18
months, I realised they needed more than me.
S: What’s been the hardest thing about
being a carer?
J: It's hard to let go!
S: What have you learnt about children?
J: How unlucky some have been but one thing they
all need in my view is love and care and of course
routine and boundaries but above all love/care.
S: What’s the hardest thing about fostering?
J: When working in local authority, which is
where I started, the hardest thing is seeing the
children move on. I would change the bedding immediately.
This is how I would cope with loss, but I have
been fortunate to know how these children have
done since leaving me. Many would go on for adoption.
Another difficulty is sometimes coping with the
birth parents especially when they say hurtful
things to the children at contact times.
S: So how many children have you fostered?
J: Between 90 - 100.
S: Wow!S - What advice do you have for all new
foster carers?
J: Ideally if you want experience of being broken
in gently, Social Services is a good beginning
but you do not have the same support as you do
in the private sector but be aware when you foster,
I found my house was never the same again. Kids
that you have aren't going to respect things the
way you would and your privacy is gone, the way
you knew it.
S: So what have been your core beliefs around
fostering?
J: My core beliefs has always been to integrate
all children with my extended family; for example:
my mum, my sisters, my brother, my own birth children
and their families etc. This gives them the opportunity
to attach if they want too!
S: Any nice stories to end on?
J: I remember one child who turned up on my
door step one day, after our time together had
ended and as we reminisced about the past she
said her memory was about being with me in the
garden and all the sunny days she had. She recalled
me putting the toys away in the shed.S: Why was
this special?
J: Because I knew that in Birmingham we didn't
have sunny days every week, but that was her memory
of her time in care and it was special to her;
and lovely for me
S: Most important attribute to being a carer?
J: A sense of humour!!S: What's that?!
A big thank you to J and family. Happy 25 years
and may the next 25 be just as rewarding!!!!
Love from SWP.x
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